


Something Missing

by huntersociopathavenger



Series: Something Missing [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 17:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17288183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntersociopathavenger/pseuds/huntersociopathavenger
Summary: Michael just left Dean, and it seemed like everything was going to be alright. However, Dean has no recollection of Castiel.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dean, is it really you?”

“Yeah, it’s really me.”

“A-are you okay?”

“No! I’m not okay.”

“But you got Michael to leave.”

“No, I- I don’t. I didn’t.”

“What?”

“He just- he just left.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.”

\----------------------------------------------------

Dean was drowning. His head was underwater, completely covered in black. He couldn’t see, hear, feel, or touch anything. He was so close to what he craved- yet so far. And the worst part was when Michael let him get a glimpse of what he desired- and then took the memory of it away. Dean desperately needed to know what it was that he pined for, and one day almost succeeded in breaking away from Michael’s grasp. After his failed attempt, the archangel slowly, bit by bit, took away Dean’s need for that thing, and made him forget it altogether. 

And that’s when Michael decided to leave the vessel he occupied.

\----------------------------------------------------

Dean was surprised when he walked in to the bunker to find it chock full of people. His normal was the bunker being just him and Sam, and occasionally a few select others.

“Yeah, there have been a few changes made,” Sam said, as if he was reading Dean’s mind.

“So, uh...” one of the newcomers cautiously started his question. 

“Yeah. Not Michael anymore.” Dean replied, a little pissed that this stranger was talking to him.

"Right,” the man looked relieved and chuckled, patting Dean on the back, “Chief told us. Welcome back.”

"Chief?” Dean questioned the ridiculous nickname.

“Yeah, I-I asked them not to call me that, but-”

“Dean?” Jack interrupted, walking up to his father-figure.

“Hey, kid.”

“Is it really you?”

“Yeah.” Dean replied, before giving the boy a hug. He had really missed the quirky nephilim.

“Dean?” The man who said it had a gruff voice and was wearing a trench coat with a suit underneath. Dean had never seen this man before in his life.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”


	2. Something Missing- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael just left Dean, and it seemed like everything was going to be alright. However, Dean has no recollection of Castiel.

“Dean, that’s Cas. You know, Cas, your best friend, the guy you went to purgatory with-”

“I’m sorry, I don’t… I gotta go.” Dean ran to his room in the bunker, the one place he felt safe. He slammed the door, and rushed towards the bathroom. As the nausea clawed at his throat, he leaned over the toilet and let it free. All the pain he had felt while Michael was in him bubbled up to the surface, and he couldn’t keep it in anymore. The desperation came rushing in his head, making his blood boil. Back then he couldn’t do anything about it, but now he had his senses back. He could scream.

Not out loud, Dean didn’t want his pain to be heard. Instead, he somehow screamed with his whole body. His eyes stared at the wall to see something tangible, his chalky face gaunt and immobile, and his fists clenched, the nails digging deeply into the palms of his hand, leaving small moon-shaped cuts behind. He desperately needed to feel here, and not back with Michael.

Suddenly, there were three timid knocks at the door, followed by an apprehensive voice.

“Dean? It’s… Cas- Castiel. I know you don’t remember me, but please, let me help. I can… feel your pain… I know, hard to explain… but… can I come in?”

Dean wiped his mouth and used the toilet seat to hoist himself up, towards the sink. He didn’t know why, but he knew he could trust that voice. After rinsing his mouth of vomit and the blood from his hands, he limped towards the door, and pulled it open to reveal the man in the trenchcoat.

“You can fix it?” he asked, his voice a whimper. Dean knew how pathetic he must have seemed to the man. However, all he saw in Castiel’s eyes was concern, and a little bit of sorrow.

“Yes,” he replied gesturing towards the bed. “Lay down, it’ll make it easier.”

Dean looked at Castiel- screw it Castiel’s too long of a name- he looked at Cas, who nodded in reassurance. He complied, and stretched himself out on the bed.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember you,” he whispered, looking at Cas who smiled an anguished smile in return.

“Don’t ever say sorry to me. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

That was the last thing Dean heard before drifting into the sweet, peaceful bliss of sleep.


	3. Something Missing- Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael just left Dean, and it seemed like everything was going to be alright. However, Dean has no recollection of Castiel.

Dean looked up at the ceiling contemplating what had happened earlier. That man in the trenchcoat, he was so familiar, but… not at the same time. He wanted to remember, but just couldn’t. He decided to ask Sam.

————————————————-

“Hey, Sammy… was Cas… my boyfriend or something?”

Sam smiled into his coffee as he thought, “Dean losing his memory might be a good thing. Those two dumbasses might finally get together.”

“Or something. You guys were friends. The best of friends, actually.” 

“Oh, right,” Dean looked down at his feet, saddened that he had forgotten his best friend. Not just some guy, but someone who actually meant something to him. Someone who he couldn’t fucking remember. “Could you… maybe tell me more about him?”

“If you want to get to know him, just talk to him. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind telling you.”

————————————————-

Dean found Castiel sitting at a table in the library looking at a mixtape.

“What do you got there?”

Cas smiled ruefully. “Dean’s Top 13 Zep Traxx. You made it for me as a gift.”

“We must have been really close. Closer than you and Sam?”

“You and I always did share a more profound bond, one that Michael seems to have taken away from you.”

“Cas, I really wish I remembered I- do you believe me?”

“I do, Dean,” he reassured. “You know, I can bring it back. All of it. The only reason I haven’t already is because it will be extremely painful.”

“Do it. I don’t care how much it hurts. I need to remember.”

Cas nodded. “It would be better if you sat down for this.”

————————————————-

A bunch of memories came flooding into Dean’s brain the second Cas’s hands were on his temples, coaxing the images to come forward. It hurt worse than hell, each thought searing into his mind like burned steel against flesh.

“I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

“And I did it, all of it, for you.”

“You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.”

“Castiel? Uh… he’s not here. You see, he has this weakness. He likes you.”

“I do everything that you ask, I always come when you call.”

“I’m not leaving here without you.”

“I need you.”

————————————————-

“Cas?”


	4. Something Missing- Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael just left Dean, and it seemed like everything was going to be alright. However, Dean has no recollection of Castiel.

“Cas?”

Dean looked at the angel, his angel. The one who always came when he called. The one who was always there for him, even if Sammy wasn’t. God, Dean had been so stupid. The thing that he’d always been looking for had been right in front of his face. The feeling that what he craved was so close, yet unreachable, that wasn’t caused by the archangel. That was his subconscious telling him what he really needed was right in front of his nose. The agony that Michael caused was only after Dean realized that he loved Castiel.

“Dean, do you remember everything?”

“Yeah, yeah buddy, I do. But that’s not all.”

Cas glanced at Dean quizzically as he guessed, “You know what Michael’s planning?” 

“No, not that,” Dean laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair. Man, revealing what he felt to Cas was different than anything he had ever experienced- the main thing being that Dean was fucking terrified about losing something real. He thought he knew love with Lisa, but that didn’t even hold a candle to this.

Dean’s brain was flooded with an influx of random thoughts like:

“Were his eyes always this blue?”

and

“Are we gonna kiss? I hope we kiss.”

The one that popped up most was achingly depressing;

“What if he doesn’t love me back?”

“Cas, when I first met you, I thought you were this big-shot ‘angel of the lord’ who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about people. Then over the years, we became closer, and you became more and more human, and fuck, when the Leviathans took you, man, I was devastated. Other than Sammy and Bobby, you were the closest thing I had to family. But when I lost you, the pain was a hell of a lot different than when Sammy died. A different part of me was missing. The part of me that feels love in a non… platonic way. Basically, what I’m saying is I love you Cas.”

Cas’s cheeks dimpled, and the corners of his eyes wrinkled as he confessed, “Dean, when I first met you, you were my assignment, nothing more. I was an instrument of heaven, and had no notion of free will. You taught me what it’s like to think for myself and to do what makes me happy. And what makes me more than happy is being able to tell you in full confidence that I love you too.”


End file.
